Nacho Science

MySpace is a cesspool for miscreant, pedophile, and musician profiles. But dig deep enough and you’ll find some profiles that are absolute gems. One such gem is “All About Nachos.” This profile is home to two girls (Saucee and Peppah) whose mission statement is simple:

“We are here to try out nachos in a variety of locations in Austin and surrounding cities here in Texas. We are looking for taste, sex appeal, aesthetics, and price. The chip is as important as the toppings. Must have excellent salsa and margaritas.”

Their reviews are informative and humerous. In fact, my only complaint is that they don’t include pictures of the nachos they review. If you’re a nacho lover that lives in the Austin area, “All About Nachos” is one MySpace profile worth checking out.

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Happy Valentines Day nacho cheese lovers!

What are you going to get your valentine this year?  Flowers?  Candy?  NO!  I would recommend picking up a few pair of these.

These may contain the key to the best nachos you’ll ever eat…

http://www.cafepress.com/hostilitees/1127387

Faustino Vasquez came to the United States from Mexico in 1977 to find work.  He may also be a god to nacho lovers.  This guy opened up a successful restaurant named El Rancho by recognizing the overwhelming hunger of drunken college students as they stumble home at 2am.

So you may be thinking, well that’s not such a novel idea, anyone could do that.  Potentially, though it’s unlikely.

However, I argue it’s much simpler than that.  Vasquez made one incredibly intelligent business maneuver…he served nachos.  Here is how one journalist described his experience eating at El Rancho.

"At 1:30 a.m., a line stretches the length of the restaurant. Groups of
laughing and shouting friends sit in booths, stuffing nachos into their
mouths so fast at times that cheese drips from their chins."
Source:  http://www.columbiatribune.com/2007/Feb/20070210Busi001.asp

I salute Mr. Vasquez for his contributions to the nacho cheese community.

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Take a nice long look at the image to the left. It’s a picture of Chili’s Restaurant starter called “Classic Nachos.” Now riddle me this? Does it look appetizing? See how the cheese is dripping off the chip while the single jalapeno clings on for dear life? If you said, “yes” I would have to agree with you. In fact, I can tell you first hand that these are delicious. Unfortunately, delicious or not, I question the validity of these nachos. Yes, they have all the correct ingredients of a solid nacho, but presentation is key. And last I checked, Iron Chef believes presentation is worth 5 out of a total 20 points.

These nachos are meticulously arranged in a circular shape around
the outer edge of the plate. Then each chip has one pepper slice placed
on top of the melted cheese in the center. Taking presentation one step
further, guacamole, salsa, and sour cream is dolloped in the center of
the plate.

To call this appetizer “Classic Nachos” is plain wrong. These are
far from “classic.” Instead, if they were renamed “Chili’s Ringadinger
Nacho Platter” I wouldn’t have any complaints.

The vote is in, and my
score is as follows:

Taste: 5/10
Presentation: 4/5
Total: 9/15

Work can be grueling. Work can be fun. But at the end of the day, we all need a little something to help push us along. Whether it be a mid-day coffee with friends to have a little chat before facing the final stretch, or sitting on the shitter 5 extra minutes after you’ve finished just to have some "me time," we all have our personal techniques to make our workday a bit less stressful.

For me, yesterday was one such day where I needed some extra encouragement to nudge me along. Lunchtime approached and it already felt like I had been at the office an entire day. Low and behold, it was nacho day. Nachos were just the thing I needed to bring a smile to my face and give me the energy to carry on.

Thank you nachos. I owe you one.

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Super Bowl XLI is only a couple of days away. While this should normally be an exciting day for all Americans, I’ve been to too many Super Bowl parties that have served one particular unacceptable snack.

When shopping for chips, many often turn to the all-in-on solution of nacho cheese flavored chips. These chips are a disgrace to the nacho name. Now I’m not saying that these chips necessarily taste bad, (although I wouldn’t eat any) my only real objection is to what they’re being advertised as — nacho cheese flavored. I defy you to find a single person alive that actually believes nacho cheese flavored chips actually taste like nachos. They don’t. Instead, if these chips were renamed "Tangy Orange Color Powdered Tortilla Chips" I would not have a problem.

This Sunday do all your guests a favor. Don’t by nacho cheese flavored chips.

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Now that’s it’s been established that Nacho Cheese Flavored chips are a disgrace to the nacho name, let me suggest an alternative for The Big Game. If you’ve already decided against the traditional chips-on-a-plate-with-nacho-cheese-poured-on-top recipe, and would rather serve your chips out of a bag, try this 3-step ditty on for size:

Shara’s Walkin’ Nacho:
Step 1: Cut a hole in a box
Step 2: Put your junk… (wait…wrong recipe)

Shara’s Walkin’ Nacho:
Step 1: Get a bag of tortilla chips
Step 2: pour hot nacho cheese into bag
Step 3: Shake bag and serve

In February of 2005, fellow nacho cheese lover, Michael David Monn of Maryville was wrongfully sentenced to three years in prison but was given supervised probation. While Michael did plead guilty to burglary, theft, vandalism, indecent exposure and public intoxication, it was how police found him the morning of July 18, 2004 that makes the penalty too harsh.

After breaking into a snack bar, Monn stripped naked, somehow covered himself in nacho cheese and managed to scale an 8-foot fence before getting caught. It’s obvious that the man was simply going through withdraws and needed a fix of melted orangy goodness.

I salute you Mr. Monn, for rising up in the face of adversity and going above beyond to obtain the necessary cheese to maintain your life’s happiness. My only question. Why naked?

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Regardless of how you feel about our current President of the United States, this picture clearly tells the story of a man who clearly LOVES nachos (and hopefully nacho cheese) as much as we all do.

Today, I respectfully send my best regards to the President for this picture and his love for nachos and nacho cheese.

If interested, I found the picture from this site: http://www.celebrities-eating.com/2006/05/george-w-bush-and-june-cleaver.html

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Christmas is over and I’m already looking at the next occasion where presents will be given — Valentine’s Day. While I was saddened when I didn’t receive any nacho cheese related gifts this holiday season, I look forward to hopefully creating a new trend in "Heart Day" gift giving.

Flowers, chocolates, candy, stuffed animals are all overrated. If your significant other is a nacho lover (and you’ll know if they are) try something different this year. You may be tempted to purchase this. Instead, I suggest wrapping up a bag of tortilla chips, a JAR of nacho cheese, and what the hell…throw a stupid bow on top. Your nacho-loving schmoopie will be pleasantly surprised and you’ll be guaranteed at least second base that evening.

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Keepin’ It Real: “Staying true to your ‘roots’ (i.e., ‘real’). When your priorities or principles as a
person hold true in any event or situation.”

When nachos are on the menu, are you going to order a salad
because you are eating lunch with your boss? NO. You are going to keep it real
and order the nachos. I don’t care what
situation you are in, who you are trying to impress, or if your job is on the
line.  We nacho lovers must always keep
it real.

This is purely a reminder to
all of you nacho lovers who did not keep it real today.

Ahhh…the age old question: If you’re handed a bucket of dog poo, and your birthday falls on a… Wait. Not that question. That’s for my OTHER blog. Let’s start over, shall we?

Ahhh…the age old question: If you were stranded on a deserted island and allowed only one food, what would it be?

Everyone’s got an answer. And everyone’s got a reason for their answer. You’ll come across the burrito people, the pizza people. But if you asked me, I will always answer decisively and without hesitation, "NACHOS." But then I started engaging in that dangerous pastime — thinking. Could nachos be the best choice? Would I even be able to survive on nachos alone?

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OK, after watching this advertisement from Campbell’s Soup, it’s arguably a bit lame and I think it was made in the 1980’s.  But, the ad clearly depicts many different ways that nacho cheese can be used to enhance the flavor or experience of meals.  It made my mouth water (except for the meat loaf).

While I’ve never tried this hybrid nacho cheese / soup, I’m certainly intrigued.  I’ll report back on my taste test when I can see if it’s still available somewhere.  If anyone out there has tried Campbell’s Nacho Cheese Dip / Soup, please leave a comment with your opinion.

[UPDATED Sept-2012]

While I haven’t been able to locate this exact product, Campbell’s does make something similar.  Here’s a link to Campbell’s Fiesta Nacho Cheese on Amazon.com.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OFtrAmJrc7g]

I am fortunate enough to work at a company that provides nachos on a weekly basis in our cafeteria. The nachos are reasonably priced…but I’ve discovered a hole in the system to get FREE nacho cheese.

In the cafe, nacho’s cost $3.00 for a small bowl while a small basket of french fries cost $1.50. We all know that the cheese is were the money is. However, if I take my $1.50 french fries over to the nacho bar, smother it in steaming hot cheese, and walk it over the register, I am still only charged $1.50 for my fries! We’re talking free nacho cheese fries! Last week, I even topped it off with some chili and still paid the same price.

Chili cheese fries for the price of regular fries?

Yes please!

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It’s not a new thing to try nacho cheese on hot dogs.  Cheese on hot dogs has been used for many years, though it usually takes a more solid, grated form.

Recently I tried a very basic nacho cheese (Frito’s version) with a gourmet sausage cooked on a bbq from a local meat store that specializes in sausages.  The sausage I chose was a spicy linguisa topped with nacho cheese in between a bun that resembled a sliced portion of french bread.

The result was an amazing mix of cheese and sausage, delicious down to the last bite!  Using nacho cheese on sausages is highly recommended.  I’m looking forward to trying this again and adding even more things like diced tomatoes and onions.

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