Nacho Science

Now that’s it’s been established that Nacho Cheese Flavored chips are a disgrace to the nacho name, let me suggest an alternative for The Big Game. If you’ve already decided against the traditional chips-on-a-plate-with-nacho-cheese-poured-on-top recipe, and would rather serve your chips out of a bag, try this 3-step ditty on for size:

Shara’s Walkin’ Nacho:
Step 1: Cut a hole in a box
Step 2: Put your junk… (wait…wrong recipe)

Shara’s Walkin’ Nacho:
Step 1: Get a bag of tortilla chips
Step 2: pour hot nacho cheese into bag
Step 3: Shake bag and serve

In February of 2005, fellow nacho cheese lover, Michael David Monn of Maryville was wrongfully sentenced to three years in prison but was given supervised probation. While Michael did plead guilty to burglary, theft, vandalism, indecent exposure and public intoxication, it was how police found him the morning of July 18, 2004 that makes the penalty too harsh.

After breaking into a snack bar, Monn stripped naked, somehow covered himself in nacho cheese and managed to scale an 8-foot fence before getting caught. It’s obvious that the man was simply going through withdraws and needed a fix of melted orangy goodness.

I salute you Mr. Monn, for rising up in the face of adversity and going above beyond to obtain the necessary cheese to maintain your life’s happiness. My only question. Why naked?

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Regardless of how you feel about our current President of the United States, this picture clearly tells the story of a man who clearly LOVES nachos (and hopefully nacho cheese) as much as we all do.

Today, I respectfully send my best regards to the President for this picture and his love for nachos and nacho cheese.

If interested, I found the picture from this site: http://www.celebrities-eating.com/2006/05/george-w-bush-and-june-cleaver.html

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Faustino Vasquez came to the United States from Mexico in 1977 to find work.  He may also be a god to nacho lovers.  This guy opened up a successful restaurant named El Rancho by recognizing the overwhelming hunger of drunken college students as they stumble home at 2am.

So you may be thinking, well that’s not such a novel idea, anyone could do that.  Potentially, though it’s unlikely.

However, I argue it’s much simpler than that.  Vasquez made one incredibly intelligent business maneuver…he served nachos.  Here is how one journalist described his experience eating at El Rancho.

"At 1:30 a.m., a line stretches the length of the restaurant. Groups of
laughing and shouting friends sit in booths, stuffing nachos into their
mouths so fast at times that cheese drips from their chins."
Source:  http://www.columbiatribune.com/2007/Feb/20070210Busi001.asp

I salute Mr. Vasquez for his contributions to the nacho cheese community.

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I’m sure we can all agree that nachos, on a personal level, can turn a bad day into a good one. But do nachos have the power to reach more than just the individual? Can nachos bring people together? Richard Tait believes just that. In an article he’s written for ModernMom titled “Minutes to Memories: The Science of Nachos“, Richard shares his experience and explains how nachos have “transform an often stress-filled moment — making dinner — into a family sport.”

First of all. Dude, Richard, seriously… I appreciate the article and everything, but ModernMom? In your defense, I guess the ModernDad Web site pales in comparison.

Aaanywho! Richard confesses that “eight years ago, if you told [him] happiness could be found in a messy mound of nachos, [he] would have smiled politely and looked for the nearest exit. Bliss in a pile of tortilla chips, melted cheese, sour cream, tomatoes and onions? Unlikely.” But now, every Sunday night, Nacho Night, he and his family make nachos, laugh, talk, and connect.

Conclusion: Let’s send some nachos to Iraq.

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If Barbie was real, what would one of her favorite foods be?

One doll-house accessory manufacturer believes the answer is nachos and we agree 100%!  To back up their claim, this company has even designed a miniature nacho cheese set!

To any of you nacho cheese lovers that have children who play with dolls, this is a must have accessory! 

By the looks of her waist, Barbie is dying of starvation.  Please help Barbie live by feeding her a nice plate of nachos!

Via eBay

Everybody loves nachos. And everyone has their particular preference when it comes to nacho cheese. Some prefer their chips to have hot nacho cheese sauce poured on top, while others prefer to grate cheese directly on their chips and bake their nachos until the cheese has a nice crispy edge. But what about nacho toppings? There are definitely many ways to top nachos. The question was raised yesterday during lunch:

Can there ever be too much topped on a nacho?

The short answer is, “YES.”

But to understand why, there involves some explanation. First of all, let it be known that I lean a bit to the right when it comes to nachos. I like my chips and nacho cheese and that’s about it. If I had to top it with something, I may throw a few jalapeno peppers on there. That’s not to say I haven’t enjoyed nachos with other various toppings. A dollop or guacamole, a spoon full of sour cream, some chopped tomato, ground beef and bean chili, olives…the list goes on.

Honestly, all of those toppings are perfectly acceptable. The problem arises when you combine too many ingredients. At that point it was determined that the nachos will loose their integrity. In the end, it was agreed that two toppings is ideal, three toppings is pushing it, and if you put four or more toppings on your nacho you’re better off just making yourself a taco.

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MySpace is a cesspool for miscreant, pedophile, and musician profiles. But dig deep enough and you’ll find some profiles that are absolute gems. One such gem is “All About Nachos.” This profile is home to two girls (Saucee and Peppah) whose mission statement is simple:

“We are here to try out nachos in a variety of locations in Austin and surrounding cities here in Texas. We are looking for taste, sex appeal, aesthetics, and price. The chip is as important as the toppings. Must have excellent salsa and margaritas.”

Their reviews are informative and humerous. In fact, my only complaint is that they don’t include pictures of the nachos they review. If you’re a nacho lover that lives in the Austin area, “All About Nachos” is one MySpace profile worth checking out.

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Take a nice long look at the image to the left. It’s a picture of Chili’s Restaurant starter called "Classic Nachos." Now riddle me this? Does it look appetizing? See how the cheese is dripping off the chip while the single jalapeno clings on for dear life? If you said, "yes" I would have to agree with you. In fact, I can tell you first hand that these are delicious. Unfortunately, delicious or not, I question the validity of these nachos. Yes, they have all the correct ingredients of a solid nacho, but presentation is key. And last I checked, Iron Chef believes presentation is worth 5 out of a total 20 points.

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Work can be grueling. Work can be fun. But at the end of the day, we all need a little something to help push us along. Whether it be a mid-day coffee with friends to have a little chat before facing the final stretch, or sitting on the shitter 5 extra minutes after you’ve finished just to have some "me time," we all have our personal techniques to make our workday a bit less stressful.

For me, yesterday was one such day where I needed some extra encouragement to nudge me along. Lunchtime approached and it already felt like I had been at the office an entire day. Low and behold, it was nacho day. Nachos were just the thing I needed to bring a smile to my face and give me the energy to carry on.

Thank you nachos. I owe you one.

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Last night I watched the exciting NHL match-up between the home-ice San Jose Sharks against their Pacific Division rivals, The Ducks. And while the final score was a bit disappointing (2-3), there was one thing that made my trip to The Tank all worthwhile — The San Jose Sharks Hotdog.

The SJ Dog is a site to behold and a taste to savor. This is the 8th game I’ve gone to so far this season, and I think I’ve eaten a SJ Dog at six of those eight games. It’s become a game night staple. And by taking a look at the picture I’m sure you can see why. This foot long dog is first covered in all-beef chili, sprinkled with finely chopped white onion, drenched in nacho cheese, and topped with a bit of sour cream for good measure. This hot dog is pure heaven.

The vote is in, and my score is as follows:

Taste: 9/10
Presentation: 4/5
Total: 13/15

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For the most part, I eat lunch at the company cafeteria. The food is good, it’s subsidized, and they serve nachos at least once a week. But occasionally my co-worker buddies and I will head off campus to the local sports bar Tasty Subs. They’ve got delicious subs, a good selection of beer on tap (I’ll usually get a Fat Tire) and their nachos are damn tasty as well.

Tasty Subs goes for the minimalist approach when building their nacho, which I appreciate. They start off with a good restaurant quality tortilla chip and pour on a generous portion or your traditional nacho cheese sauce. Then they layer on a handful of freshly cut jalapeno peppers and top it off with a ice-cream sized scoop of guacamole.

The vote is in, and my score is as follows:

Taste: 8/10
Presentation: 2/5
Total: 10/15

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OK, after watching this advertisement from Campbell’s Soup, it’s arguably a bit lame and I think it was made in the 1980’s.  But, the ad clearly depicts many different ways that nacho cheese can be used to enhance the flavor or experience of meals.  It made my mouth water (except for the meat loaf).

While I’ve never tried this hybrid nacho cheese / soup, I’m certainly intrigued.  I’ll report back on my taste test when I can see if it’s still available somewhere.  If anyone out there has tried Campbell’s Nacho Cheese Dip / Soup, please leave a comment with your opinion.

[UPDATED Sept-2012]

While I haven’t been able to locate this exact product, Campbell’s does make something similar.  Here’s a link to Campbell’s Fiesta Nacho Cheese on Amazon.com.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OFtrAmJrc7g]

It’s not a new thing to try nacho cheese on hot dogs.  Cheese on hot dogs has been used for many years, though it usually takes a more solid, grated form.

Recently I tried a very basic nacho cheese (Frito’s version) with a gourmet sausage cooked on a bbq from a local meat store that specializes in sausages.  The sausage I chose was a spicy linguisa topped with nacho cheese in between a bun that resembled a sliced portion of french bread.

The result was an amazing mix of cheese and sausage, delicious down to the last bite!  Using nacho cheese on sausages is highly recommended.  I’m looking forward to trying this again and adding even more things like diced tomatoes and onions.

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